Letter to my brother Armen, who I am waiting for October 2 2020
God has not yet been saved. For 9 months, God has preserved our mother's womb. When the nurse approached our mother with a very small body, she gave you God. Didn't you eat, God keeps you? You were very expected, you were the third of two girls from children. Our mother gave you to God, and God has kept it.
You don't like a talk, but our words of our heart have become a stone of my losers. I write one-time and talk, you will understand that. You did many things accepted and silent, quietly. You were peaceful, dear and full. God has kept you.
A few days ago, we remembered how you were keeping the days of music concerts and magazines secretly. You were hidden that we did not think we were not present. So modest you. Slightly talked. Now we may talk to us and tell us a foolishness for you. We are lost, Armen. Missing us is a friend, we are in the air, but God has kept you.
I remember me and your goodbye. It was not good bye, we said to each other so far, I did not hug you for the last time. Now I want to touch your fingers, I want something simple, what? Your last call was to me. I didn't say goodbye to you that day. I did not say goodbye to your words. You have to call the next day. The 5th year rolled the next day. I want only one day in this darkness. I want to sleep and come the next day, the light will open.
We did not say goodbye to you. Our prayers are about return. Let the shadow barely notice the shadow in the twilight. Let my lips touch your fingers. What I want is a "simple" thing, I want your presence. I want a "simple" and "simple". Let me hear my name from your lips. Let me give you a name, you answer: Give your name, Armen. It seems to pray, my Armen name. Let me listen from the invisible distance, let my footsteps and the tears of joy be the sea to be in the ocean. Let me hear the voice of my flower soul.
In those days, when we were waiting for a call (since October 2 2020), we were incomprehensible. I have prayed for others, but I was calm about you. I was sure that God will keep you ... God has kept you ... I remember our knee prayers, I remember how we were stormed with every call to the phone. I never waited for bad. I thought every call was you. Now that I look back, I feel horror. Through the earthly darkness of those days, we passed silent without accusation without evil. We did not raise Armen, you would definitely like it.
We have not seen what our Father has gone through the hell, hearing all kind of news about you, looking for you here. Our Father looked upon you in the relics, but he did not find, because God has kept you ... Our mother has searched for you in God in heaven, but he has not found, for God has kept you.
The hell is on earth, Armen. The hell is our past days. I remember how our mother loses and falls, I remember the crying of our parents. It was hell. We were in incomprehensible carelessness. We were crying, but spirits prompted every moment to be alive. As time goes on, it's hard to wait for you, but God has kept you, smooth the ways of our lives.
You don't like a chatty, you are modest, but if we meet one day, I will tell you how I have waited for you to come and get me from the hole. I'm sorry I will live without you before. You will help me with your advice, you would help me very much. I'm sorry to often see our mother's bitter crying, I run away from the room, I close my ears. Don't let that cry sound always stay in my ears. It is difficult, it is unfamiliar with that weeping on my conscience.
God has kept you, Armen. We expect a twilight to celebrate the shadow. Our wait is a stoned longing, brutal, oppressor. Your family's bleeding wounds is your return. We are waiting for hope, and what is impossible for man is possible only by our Lord God.
"May the man who will put hope on the Lord, and the Lord will be his hope." - Jerem. 17: 7)
Continued ....
PS: 7 days after the start of the 44-day war, my brother's phone calls were silent. We waited for him to call from Artsakh, water (under globes, as Armen liked to call his service place). Armen was drafted into the army on August 14 2020. It was quarantined until September 4, moving from Askeran to water. He did not even swear when the war broke out.
